Climbing, Hiking, Hitching, and Saunas.

So it's been a while since I last wrote on here, but I have a few cool stories to share. Lately I've been hanging out with some cool people from another town over. Last week we got together and climbed a sweet multi-pitch route called Yeongshilbang (Dragon Face) in the Wolchulsan National Park. It was a lot of sketchy slab routes with lots of sand and water to make them incredibly slippery. I jumar'd up the first two pitches to save time for the group (Robert and Casey are much better climbers than me) and then after that we started moving pretty steadily as a group up the last 3 pitches. Pitch 3 had a fun slab traverse to a pretty neat bivy spot on the cliff-side.

At the temple during the approach hike

Lunch break at the bivy site. Robert brought some Chinese liquor that tasted like rubbing alcohol.

Pitch 4 had a fun face climb to a lay-back traverse that Casey took a nice swing on while leading. Poor dude fell while trying to place a cam while heel-hooking a hueco. After a few choice words and pulling flapping skin off his ankles and wrists, he was back at it and finally found the right cam for the crack and led up the vertical layback to the belay. Robert and I followed without incident; cleaning the route was very easy compared to the lead Casey put up. 

Belay station number 4

Pitch 5 was a breeze and incredibly fun. Some incredible exposure on the blank slab start with a huge drop beneath. The slab was slick with water and moss, so foot placement was crucial and fun. About halfway up the route entered a ravine about 3-4 feet wide and about 12 feet deep. Some great stemming and then a nice hand crack got me out and onto the final slab to the top. This was an incredibly fun last 30 feet or so of climbing. The slab was wavy and pocked with little crystals popping out in random places. It was practically a run to the top while jumping from pock mark to pock mark.

About 10 feet from the top.

The view of the sky bridge as the sun sank behind Wolchulsan.

Just finished.

Casey at the top after leading his first full day of Trad routes on Yeongshilbang

Robert was snapping pictures at random and got some cool ones.

The offering bowl at the new temple construction site.

The day ended with steamed kimchi, tofu, pork and cold beers at the bottom of Wolchulsan. We all piled onto Robert's tiny Moped to ride the 2 miles from Wolchulsan to the Yeongam bus terminal. I ended up missing my bus and was lucky enough to catch Casey on his way home. I crashed at his place and we watched "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou" over plates of microwaved spaghetti. The next morning I woke up and walked back to the bus station, getting lost in Yeongam and turning a 15 minute walk into an hour adventure. I had to climb a buddhist monuments hill on the city outskirts to spot the bus station and get a sense of direction.

 Wolchulsan in the distance while walking in Yeongam

Rather upset that I'm so lost.

But luckily I made it back to the bus and to Mokpo without further incident. The next week, Casey came to Mokpo for some sport climbing on Kokkiri Bawi, my local crag. The day was perfect and the cherry blossoms started to bloom.

Yesterday, Casey and I decided to take a trip out to Jirisan National Park and try to camp along the ridge. I woke up to pretty heavy rain, but decided that if it was too wet to camp, we could always stay in the ridge shelters at the top. The rain stopped when we hit Gurye. We taxied up to Hwaeomsa Temple and got our waters filled in the monk's housing complex. 

 The stone table in the middle is the water fountain, where spring water shoots out from a stone turtles mouth.

 The temple was packed with visitors and we didn't know why.

After grabbing our water, we got onto the brutal 8km trail to the Nogodansan pass. The trail beat us up, and was rather uneventful. We did, however, stop to put up some first ascents of various boulders. Casey and I both put up what we called a possible V2 lieback flake/finger crack and dubbed the route "A Liter Of Cola" after what is possibly the most memorable line in Super Troopers. I don't know why I forgot to get a picture of the boulder, but it was quite ugly, so don't worry about it. 

Near the ridgeline and pass, the winds picked up drastically and the rain started again harder. By the time we reached the shelter we were both pretty soaked through. The shelter was (for some unknown reason) not accepting any people even though it was open. Pretty strange considering the ridge trail was packed with visitors. We both then realized that camping on the ridgeline in the rain and setting up our tent in already soaked vegetation with puddles would not be a fun night. So for the second time in a row on Jirisan, I had to bail off of it. Casey and I made it to the ridgeline packing lot in a few hours and were met by cool Koreans and a beautiful sight above the low cloud line.

It was only 3pm at this point, so we decided to grab a couple beers and start the painful 13km down the mountain to Gurye along the mountain highway. We had only gotten a few hundred meters when a very polite middle-aged couple pulled up to us. The husband spoke decent English which when mixed with my choppy Korean allowed us to convey that we were headed to Gurye bus station and they were headed to Gury. The man said the road was "dangerous" and more rain was coming and he offered us a ride to the bus station. (Now this is a point I must make for all the American readers: hitchhiking in Korea is a very safe and EXTREMELY common practice. At all national parks, you will see random people walking down the road and getting picked up, there is no horrible "murdering hitchhiker" scenario in Korean culture and everyone is incredibly polite and courteous about the system. I would not recommend doing this in America or almost any other country.) About ten minutes later, they dropped us off at the bus terminal and we caught a bus to Gwangju.

The cherry trees were in full bloom in Gurye.

Back in Gwangju, we grabbed some pizza and fries at the First Alleyway Restaurant (a Gwangju ExPat restaurant) and headed down the road to a jimjilbang. Now if you've never heard of this, it's because it would never fly or even work in America. It's a public bath house/ sauna/ hostel/ gym. For 9,000W, or about $8.75, you get a pair of pajamas, a locker, and free use of the facilities for the night. 

So there's no pictures for this next part, because stuff gets a bit "unwestern" at this point: a jimjilbang bathhouse and sauna is a no-clothes-room. After dumping our packs in our lockers, we stripped down naked and walked into the bath house. It was perfect. Started it off with a hot shower and a Wet Sauna at 70c (158 F) followed by a warm shower and a hot tub. The hot tub was pretty funny. Koreans rarely see white people in jimjilbangs, so everyone wanted to talk to us. It was a pretty great time. Next came the water massage pool and another shower, followed by a Dry Sauna at 70c. Then it was a rinse followed by a horrific (but much needed) dunk into the cold pool 15c (60f). Afterwards, we got dried off and put on our awesome blue P.J.'s (a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt) and headed downstairs. We put on our boots and walked across the street for some cold water and beer at the convenience store and sat there for an hour talking to other people in blue P.J.'s. It was a pretty lively scene. 

At bed time, we walked into the common floor (since the bathhouse and saunas are segregated by gender, this is where everyone sleeps/eats/talks) and grabbed a couple sleeping pads and pillows and found a sleeping hole. Yes, literally a hole in the wall which you climb into and sleep. My cozy sleep was soon interrupted by 3 very drunk Korean men decided to pass out on the floor in the common area. One began to mutter in his sleep and spasm, hitting other people around him, and another one snored all night the loudest that I have ever heard. This lead to many angry people in the jimjilbang asking them to be more quiet, but they were very drunk, and drunk men don't take advice too well. The muttering continued, the snoring continued, and the damn room got warmer and warmer until I was sweating in my damn p.j.'s. Casey left his hole on the bottom level to a cooler one on the upper. The snoring and muttering got worse until many Koreans started waking the men up to get them to stop snoring and muttering. This all culminated in a polite "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" from a level above me and a "WHUMP" as a pillow was thrown down and pegged the snore-offender square in the stomach much to the delight of the younger jimjilbang residents. I can only assume this was Casey as he giggled like a child the next morning when I asked about it (and it was in a perfect american accent). Luckily, the men left the place at about 5 A.M. and someone opened up a window, so everyone was able to grab a few hours sleep. 

In the morning, we hit the gym for a short workout to stretch our muscles from the previous day's hike and then hit the sauna for a shower before getting back into our street clothes and leaving. In Gwangju, we wandered around the Meleeoray Downtown area and headed to a Dunkin Donuts for some breakfast. After much heated debate about Bill Murray, Audrey Hepburn, and the presence of black-and-white in modern films verus silent films, we decided to head out. The girls working were nice enough to draw us a map on a placemat that would get us to the nearest bank and taxi pick-up so we could head to the bus terminal.

Once in the terminal, we went into the shopping area so Casey could get some new socks and I could grab another pair of underwear. In Uniqlo, we met a Korean girl who is studying in Gwangju University and had recently taken a trip to New York. We had a nice chat about the differences in cities in Korea and the U.S. (her English was exceptional, including her accent) and she helped us get small discounts on our purchases. Next we went to see the movie "Noah." That is all I will say about that because that movie sucked.

After the movie we went to PhoBay and got some great Vietnamese food. Then it was off to our buses to take us back to our hometowns. I don't know if my breath stank or not, but when the lady sat down next to me on the bus she immediately handed me a piece of gum. I decided it would be rude to not eat it, so I enjoyed my peppermint gum and started into my copy of Walden. 

Climbing adventures and stuff

So I thought I'd give a little recap of what's been going on in my free time since my work time is pretty much the same thing everyday (except last Thursday when a kid tracked dog poop into my classroom and stank the place up for two periods...).

There's been a lot of climbing going on as the weather has been really nice lately. About a week ago the international climbing competition came here to Mokpo along with a bunch of professionals from Korea, Japan, China, Spain, Czechoslovakia, Russia, and even India. It was a pretty cool showcase of some badass sport climbing on an insanely steep (60* overhang?) route. I was lucky enough to see the number one woman's division climber in the world (a korean) who destroyed the route with ease and even stopped near the top to wave for the crowd and got to see the number one man's division climber of Korea who also flew up the men's route without a hindrance.

Women's route left and Men's route right.

This lady from Japan was the first to make it through the first crux, but fell shortly after.

Another Japanese female who almost took the lead in the event with this attempt.

Two days after that I was back in the gym working on my own project again. A pretty fun 5.10(?) route up a slight overhang and past a little roof devoid of easy foot placements. I still haven't gotten it yet, but now it seems slightly more manageable.

Easily the sketchiest clip I've ever done. They extended the draw so it hangs about 3 feet behind you.

 Two big jugs side by side with decent foot holds to rest on.

All smearing on the push to the two crimpers and while clipping in.

A decent tow hook to use while bringing up your feet past the overhang.

With both feet up you can squat on the jugs and rest before the final 15' of crimpers.

After working on that project a couple times I decided to take a break to explore outside endeavors. I hit up a website called KoreaOnTheRocks.com and looked up some local routes here in Mokpo. Turns out that there are some pretty amazing crags on our local mountain: Yudalsan. We started out on Kokkiri Bawi which was a nice face climbing area behind some local farms that overlook the endless islands and ocean that surrounds Mokpo. I went up a pretty cool 5.9 called "With Sunrise" which consisted of sparse 1-2 finger pockets and shallow bowl smears. It was like sticking my fingers inside holes made out of razors. 

Stacked rock piles in front of the crag.

Gratuitous shot of the sunset sky over the farms and bay.

Just yesterday Chris and I went out to a new crag called "Iron Palms." It was also on Yudalsan, but we had to go through spider infested jungle (seriously) to get to the crag. It looked like it hadn't been used in years, but the hardware was in good shape and the climbs looked good. I went up some unnamed 5.9 route, but got stopped just short of the top anchor due to what I assume was a broken off hold. There was a big scar right next to a bolt and the rock was polished all around, there was no way up the last 10 feet unless you jumped the entire way. Instead I traversed a little to the left and set up an anchor and toprope on an unnamed 5.8 route and came down. Chris tried it but was too short for the crux. I went up after him and was able to pull it off (while almost getting myself stuck in a strange rockfall chute that I arm-barred inside). 

Right after this spot, the trail disappeared and we were in waist high brush and vines.

Got quite lost at one point, but found some offering caves for local shamanic religions. Some still had ashes in them from the last offering.

Chris stuck on the crux of the 5.8. The little pockets along the top of the bowl is where you had to climb while stemming the walls of the bowl until you got high enough to go through that tiny chute. The bowl he's in was about 4' deep 5' wide and 10' tall. You also can't tell from the picture that the tiny chute is actually back from the wall quite a bit, so it is an overhanging crux move.

Well that's it for now, I'll see you again after my next adventure!

Know your walk-off

Today I completed my first Korean rock climb, and it was quite different from back home. It was a decent length slab of spiky, grainy granite rock that had many small washout pockets and a couple great hand/finger cracks going up the side. It wasn't too difficult either (5.9?) but it had a killer start and some long runouts in between bolts. I started up it a bit shaky, if I fell the rock was low-angled and looked like it was shaped by a cheese-grater, so nerves were high. Also added to this was the fact that the climb was 3 feet off a main hiking path in downtown Mokpo (Yudalsan), so spectators were abundant. After what I later found to be 20 minutes, I was at the top bolt and could see the top of the slab where the route ended. To my shock and awe, on this sport route there were no rap rings, cold shuts, twin bolts, or a clear walk-off on top of the slab to get down. I was stunned. Mainly because people had told us that this route was used to train people outdoors and that the top of this route was the top of two other routes as well. After holding a tiny toe pocket and finger jam for what felt like an eternity of searching for an answer, I began the sketchy practice of down-climbing to my last bolt. Once there I went static, off belay, and set a rappel off of a locking carabiner in a solid bolt. Safely at the bottom, I remarked to Chris that there was no way for him to climb today because there was no way for me to make an anchor for us to use. Saddened by the loss of climbing and my locking carabiner, we headed back down the town. Once in town I headed to the alpine store to replace the carabiner I had lost and to pick the mind of the shop owner. He sadly informed us that the routes were supposed to be walked off of and that there was no way around this without buying tons of cams and build an anchor near the top in the crack. I don't have the $300 to buy cams, so that's kind of out of the question...

Skating in Mokpo

So I finally got my skateboards here (Thanks mom!!) and I've noticed some new things and I thought I'd share them with you.

1. Korean drivers don't stop for you and they don't follow the speed limit...ever. They will blow through crosswalks without a thought for you. They will even run red lights if they think they can make it through the intersection without getting hit by another car. Oh, and on mountain roads that are beautiful to skate on, they'll pass speed limit signs with 30 KPH on them doing probably 100 KPH and will cut lanes on blind turns, so being in the opposite lane does not guarantee your safety. So on windy roads you have to skate at night so you can see their headlights.

2. Koreans will get stoked and curious if you ollie up a curb, and they will go absolutely apes**t if you throw a kickflip off a curb or a boneless off a bench. They will treat you like a street performer and will sit and watch you do what you do. ESPECIALLY if you're skating downhill fast.

3. Korean cities (especially Mokpo) are very well adapted to skateboarding. Especially bridge underpasses are really steeply banked with great transitions. You can skate everything, but if you mess up and your board hits anything people will be pissed at you.

4. Korean skate parks suck horribly. They consist of 2' tall miniramps placed in bizarre ways that don't connect lines at all...

So yeah, that's what skateboarding is like: really exciting, dangerous, and limited to what you make of it.

Wolchulsan!

Well hey again everybody! I've dropped the ball on this last post as I've been back in town for five days and haven't put it up yet. Anywho, last week was the holiday of Chuseok here in Korea, so we had a 5 day weekend! Chris and I decided to take a little backpacking (kind-of) trip to the national park of Wolchulsan!

Wednesday, September 18, 2013
             Woke up at 3 AM and called a cab to come pick us up. Grabbed our bags and jumped in, the cabbie was super nice and drove around the base of the mountains to find our campground as he had no idea where he was. After the 45 minute drive (no stopping at red lights because there was no traffic that early!) we got dropped off in the pitch black night underneath beautiful Japanese Maple Trees and Tall Pines in the small parking lot of a campground. We turned our headlamps to low and found two empty spots for us to pitch our tents and passed out immediately. At about 6 AM we were both awake and eating breakfast. The weather was a perfect 24 degrees and not a cloud in the sky!

All the campgrounds looked like this, full of raised platforms to set up on.

Around 9, we put together our packs and headed to the trail. It was steep, rocky, and a bit sketchy at times, but the views were well worth it. From underneath the canopy of leaves, sun filtered through in crisp rays featured with slowly moved trail dust. The mountainside was a jagged slope of crystal speckled granite, covered loosely in mossy growth fed by spraying mists from the mountain springs that flowed in rushed and constricted streams down the mountain through rock fall valleys.

Almost to the peak, we joined with a couple of Korean college students on break. Both spoke English rather well and we continued to the top with them acting as our Korean tour guides of the mountain. They were very kind in explaining Chuseok tradition to us as well as being very interested in soccer. At the top we rested and viewed a full 360 degree view of the surrounding province. Many local people were at the top exchanging rice cakes, peaches, and other foods. Chris and I joined in by giving beef jerky and rice krispy treats.

The rest of the day was spent hiking towards Dogapsa temple. It was tough and steep, with little shade or water along the spine-ridge of the mountain range, but we finally descended into a beautifully shaded stream-valley which headed straight down to the temple at the base.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

                Started the day early off with a walk around the park to stretch our sore legs. After this we packed our bags again to take up to the waterfall in order to soak our feet in the cool spring-water pools. The falls were in great show, cascading the 30 feet down the rock face in strong streams and jets. We both stuck our heads under the falls and soaked our feet for a while, enjoying the gentle sun poking through the tree tops.

Yes, it looks weak, but the picture doesn't hardly do it justice.

We felt so refreshed after this, that we decided to put our boots back on and hike to the sky bridge. It was one of the steepest trails I have ever been on, but it ended with amazing views of the valley.

That night we were practically force fed by a Korean family as they continually came to our campsite and gave us food (which is rude not to eat in Korea). We went to sleep early to get star-trail pictures over the mountain range. Unfortunately, the moon was so full and bright that it faded all the stars out of the pictures and everything looked almost like day through Chris's camera.

Friday, September 20, 2013

On the early bus home and asleep for a nap in my own bed by 3 PM!

A Storm and a Date!

So this weekend was pretty productive. I received my ARC card making me officially an Resident Alien of the Republic of Korea!!!! And I also got a Korean bank account and my first paycheck!!! WOOT WOOT!!!

But now to the cool stuff. A MASSIVE thunderstorm rolled through here on Friday night and Saturday morning. It rained hard from midnight until around 10 AM the next morning. The lightning started in the distance at 2 AM and hit Mokpo directly overhead from 4 AM to 6 AM. At certain points the lightning was hitting so rapidly that the sky stayed lit and the thunder rolled for over a minute!!! Oh, and most of the parking lot and park outside my building was under 3-6 inches of water for almost 6 hours hahaha.

The video I shot at 4 AM and the pictures were taken throughout the morning.

But most importantly of this post is that on Sunday night I had a hot date with the most beautiful girl in the world. We watched an old classic and had a few laughs. "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" is a great date night movie if anyone is interested hahaha. I absolutely love this girl and can't wait to see her again!

Yep, we keep it classy with Skype. She even got all dressed up for me with a dress, makeup, and the whole deal!!! I'm so friggin lucky!!!!

Oh, it's like Friday the 13th and Murphy's Law came together and named this "Kyle's Horribly Funny and Disgusting Day!"

So, for all of you who come on here to see how great I'm doing I'll share some great moments from this morning and then warn you to vacate the internet when I reach the real S*%t that I know you don't want to hear. The only reason I'll post it is because I am a firm believer in people laughing at other people's (albeit small and insubstantial; no horrible disfigurement laughs held here) pain and sorrow....

Chaptyr the Fyrst

Thou Knycht Arisen Unscaethed:
the early days


'Twas early upon the mornin'
Just before thou roseth to travel,
Up cometh thou alarmed clock,
And likewise loude dog's howl.
Thou foremost produced mine toaster,
and then produced mine butter,
Sayeth, "toast ye must deliver,
For ye been a brazen nourisher!"

Well Sharyngl doodl da,
Whack fol tha dally-o
Whack fol tha dally-o
There's cinn'mon in thine jar!

Thou spreadest out thine butter,
Like quiteth the toast herder,
For lookin' in Thine pantry,
Discover'd cinn'mon sugar!
Thou went out from thine chamber's,
For heedin rock's sweet callin'
Thou hiketh up yonder knoll,
For Thy storm it had yet fallin!

Well Sharyngl doodl da,
Whack fol tha dally-o
Whack fol tha dally-o
Thy sun is in thine hair!


Upon returning from knychtly advenures, our young hero finds a dispatch from Dearest Mother. It readeth as such, "Thine Knychtly Son, thou be'est so dystant from Thine own homeland and yet Thy will was strength enough to DHL a parcel so great that it will undoubtedly raiseth thou trubyld spirits to the far reaches of the Kingdom of Heaven. Wield thou noblest of weapons yet again and reclaim thou mightyest of vantages upon the face of dystant mountyns." Our young hero finds his strength again returned, able once again to mount his four wheeled steed upon the moust steep'st  terrain Beelzebub had ever conjur'd upon the material world. He would once again brazenly shout, "A man, Thou knowest not who, has verrily sped off without firmly securing the portcullis!" Oh, what jesterly remarks our young hero maketh. Life seemeth full of excitement and gaiety, for the young knycht had yet learneth to beware the ill tidings of such days....

End of Chaptyr the Fyrst 

(Editor's note: While very hard to decipher this text due to it's intriguing use of multiple stages of ungrammatical Olde English, we can learn quite a lot. Scholars agree that the story is indeed true and such a knight did in fact exist. Apparently he awoke to eat "cinnamon-sugar toast" a meal which has undoubtedly been lost to the years. Once nourished, he left his residence to walk in mountains and climb their boulders, a feat undoubtedly grand and well liked by such knights of the time. Upon returning to his residence he received news of an impending shipment, through such courier service as existed at the time: "DHL", which contains such ancient weapons as to be thought relics of a dark age: skateboards, leather gloves with "pucks", a slippery material, attached at the palm, and a rope. We must note the ominous tones that the author has included, warning all readers with any sense of decency to Stop Reading NOW! The editor cannot urge you to heed this warning enough, scenes of graphic gore and dismal conditions are to follow.)


Chaptyr the Secund

Thou Knycht's Defeat:
Embrace of the Ceramics

Our Knycht, with spirits truly raised, partook of a fine meal of hen's eggs and a most sweet nectar: Saulsa. He then prepared hisself in body and mynd for the tryals and tribulations of the eve'ning. He chose his finest doublet and hose and dressed in privacy before once again heading forth upon his feet, not yet knowing yet the cruel and paynful events that layeth in hiding... 

Striding into the training grounds galliantly, this young master spoketh good tydings in native tongues to his fellow comrades. He raised their hearts with friendly salutations such as, "anneonghaseyo!" and "anneonghashipnida!" while parading forth unto his chosen field of training. His first few lectyures were heartily accepted by his young squires of the world. But not all was well with our fine hero...

Upon returning to the planning booth with his comrades in arms, Our Knycht received a most startling carrier pigeon. The Duke of his newly adopted homeland had intercepted his Dearest Mother's plans for safe transport of his dearly needed supplies! The dispatch spoke as follows: "Young knave, we know what it is your Brood is planning. Thy Sheriff will undoubtedly be sent forth to levy a ransom from you. The price of such weapons passing into our domain unmolested shall be as follows: Signature of good nature at time of ransoming and a ransom of 800,000 golden coins (Editor's note: This appears to be around $80 by modern times reasoning). Unless said  ransom is payed, your supplies will fall to the people of Thy office."

Oh! Our young knycht was heartbroken to learn of such tragic occurences. He would sorely mourn the lost money so needed to fill his body with life. But, He could do nothing but agree to such terms after the care that his Dear Mother and Devoted Lover had taken to procure such Godly gifts...

Leaving the planning room, our betrampled hero headed slowly to his next lectyure. The squires waited dutifully for him to begin the lesson, but the knycht was ambushed! While reading the dispatch from the Duke, a serpent appeared and struck our poor hero to the ground! The knycht sprinted to the Wizard of Ceramics' Bowl of Healing, but all was too late. Our young hero fell to his knees as the poison took effect and he proceeded to regurgitate all nourishment that had been imbued upon him by the Giving-Hens. 

Now, our young hero had but two choices: To fall dead and defeated upon the cold earth of the Wizard's room, or Arise! and retake the day with fortytude and vigor! To do battle with the serpent's poison until his work was finished!

He cleaned himself as well he could and proceeded to the lectyure field. His squires noted his tardiness but readily produced their will to learn. Oh! Our beloved hero knew not was the poison was disrupting within his body. For soon after, he sprang without warning to yonder Wizard's chamber and removed his hose with speed! He sat upon the Seat of Thinking and from his stately body eschewed such a flow of poisonous liquid as to deem second clearance of the seat and multiple bandages for his disheveled body.

Thinking all was over, the knycht returned to his preordained lectyure, finishing it with an unease not known to him yet in such a foreign land. All proceedeth as normal, yet during his next lectyure twice he was removed from his podium of truth to reclaim his hold upon the Seat of Thinking! Such drain on his body began to take its toll. The knycht was shaky in stride and hand. He appeared pale in flesh, almost to the point of ghostly appearance. And yet, he informed his comrades of his problems and received no help or relief of duty! His next lectyure found him once again within the confines of the Seat of Thinking, but alas! All bandages had been taken from the Wizard by the squires in training! He located a last, tattered piece of bandage, just enough to remove most of the gore from his sopping backside, whilst he wandered in search of help. 

When our hero's comrades did find him they asked of his condition. He had no choice but to stand and explain that the bandages had been misused and that he was in risk of contaminating not only his hose, but also the sacred planning booth all good knychts must share! An angel of a comrade at once began a search for bandages and procured some from a hiding place to which was offered to the knycht. Our hero immediately returned to the Seat of Thinking for yet more torrential slaughter of the poison's effect. With new bandages our hero was able to clean the last of the gore from his heinous body and return to the lectyure: shaky, famished, and without completely clean hose...

After delivering his final lectyure, our hero returned to his humble lodgings to clean his body and clothes. Left alone to recuperate, he sat alone with his thoughts and dreamed of a better place.

End of Chaptyr the Secund  

(Editor's note: It appears as if the antagonist received a message that his package was being ransomed by the government of his newly accepted country. He agreed to pay the ransom, but afterwards, he received a most terrible bout of vomiting and diarrhea while teaching his students. He repeatedly leaves the class only to, from what we can assume, spew fecal material all over the toilet. At one point he appears to run out of, what modern day similarity we can afford, toilet paper. At which point he uses a last shred to wipe his buttocks, unable to completely clean his anus before reclothing himself. His friend then procures him another roll of toilet paper, of which he uses almost completely during his next few hours. After his class teachings, he returns home and cleans himself. A common remedy for such "poison" in those days was a hearty dose of a medicine called "Pepto Bismol" While it appears that the young hero of this story did indeed live, further proof of his adventures have yet to be found.



So yeah, I basically diarrhead in my pants today during work and ran out of toilet paper at one point. Luckily my korean co-teacher knew where the extras were kept and gave me a role... which I used almost completely... Know I'm on the path to rehydration and rest...